Ekphrasis: Grill Food Edition

"Because you were the first out of everybody here to reach in to get the chicken, you say Grace." - Dom Toretto, 'The Fast and The Furious'

HOO BOY IT’S SUMMER. Let’s talk about one of my favorite things. Grilling needs no introduction, it’s the best way you can cook. “Food tastes better with sand between your toes,” Anthony Bourdain would say. If you don’t have full-time access to sand, “food tastes better when it’s cooked outside” is a fine substitute. When Mariame Kaba says “everything worthwhile is done with other people,” she’s talking about leftist activism, but she might as well be talking about grilling, too.

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Corn On The Cob

credit: Wikimedia Commons, Namitakhaire

The summer signal, along with good-tasting watermelon. Elotes are a fad right now—a delicious fad, I might add—but I get super nostalgic for too-buttery, too-salty, too-peppery corn on the cob. At some Chicago street festivals, they’ll keep a vat of melted butter around and dip the cob in there. There’s not a ton to love about the United States, but corn on the cob dipped into a vat of melted butter is one thing to LOVE about the United States.

Asparagus

credit: Wikimedia Commons, A Healthier Michigan

Easily the best vegetable on the grill, and it’s not particularly close. I like mine with char but still a little bite, so high heat and short cook times. Of course, no one else in my family likes grilled asparagus, so I have to wait until we throw a cookout to eat any. Y’all don’t appreciate how hard I have it in life.

Hot Dogs

credit: Wikimedia Commons, TheBusyBrain

You might’ve thought I’d pick burgers, my favorite food, for this meat slot. Well—let’s just say there’s a whole one of these dedicated to Burgers in the pipeline.

The hot dog is a titan, beautifully given the star treatment in Jamie Loftus’s Raw Dog, a book really worth reading. I’m on record saying the Chicago dog could be toned down—mustard is the only necessity; relish, onions, celery salt, and sport peppers welcome additions if you got them; tomatoes and whole pickles can always be held. That said, watching all my friends who have since moved out of town converge on the concession concourse of left field at Wrigley (absolutely the forgotten concourse, beer guys don’t go up there) and gleefully drag their dogs through the sun-tanned garden? Well, it gave me a newfound appreciation for the Chicago dog. Which is a thing I already liked anyway. Ekphrasis is about re-seeing.

Chicken

credit: Wikimedia Commons, Sm faysal

Used to be, I was too intimidated to throw chicken on the grill. That was silly! Listen: pre-heat over medium heat to the 400-450 range. Thighs, drumsticks, and wings (the pieces I cook), need about 20 minutes. Keep the flame low-to-medium but the temperature in that 400-450 and flip every five minutes. That’s all you gotta do. On Inside The NBA (RIP), Shaq liked to compare a big guy scoring over someone in the post to barbecue chicken. Turns out it is that easy! Use a meat thermometer though.

Skewers

credit: Wikimedia Commons, Fastily

This is hard, because skewering is the easiest way to grill shrimp, and I love shrimp. Especially grilled shrimp.

Skewers suck. Skewers are the most overrated grill food. Skewers are a pain in the ass to assemble. Skewers are a pain in the gumline to eat. Skewers burn if you don’t soak them (wood division). Skewers burn you if you, in your enthusiasm to eat, briefly forget that metal gets hot (metal division). Skewers frequently don’t cook evenly. Skewers do not belong.

There are other ways to grill veggies and shrimp. Get a grill basket. Get creative. Get something to put on my plate other then skewers.

Hey! Happy cooking out, everyone. A cookout is the most joyous place.

Sorry you got an email,

Chris