Some Gratitude For Spooky Season
"He's been told that nothing is better than meeting God and cold coffee is better than nothing" - Percival Everett, 'Dr. No'
But first, your weekly Vine: Monday was Chapter 37: “Riverbanks.” Tuesday was Chapter 38: “Closed Road: An Accounting of the Life of Jonathan Sevier VI.” Today is Chapter 39: “When The Net Was Full They Collected The Good Fish In Baskets But Threw The Bad Away.” On Friday, I said the podcast was late, but then Brendan got it done that very morning and I got busy and didn’t go back and re-link. Listen to the podcast!
It’s easy to complain about the state of things. For one, the state of things is “I know I shouldn’t have another Taco Bell quesadilla but that’s a Tomorrow Me problem,” but, like, for the whole planet. It’s important, though, to show gratitude. Life is, generally, good and worth living, and we should remind ourselves of these things.
So let’s take a step back and acknowledge the current era as a fantastic era of horror. I’m not a guy who’s going to label things a “Golden Age” or “Peak Indie Horror” or whatever, I have applied to work at The Ringer and they did not give me an interview. But the stuff that’s come out since like 2017 or so—the rise of A24 and Blumhouse, the transformation of Jordan Peele from “the guy in the valets sketch” to “give this guy a Scorsese runtime to make a monster movie,” the historical fact that Dave Franco used his directorial debut to portray an older brother character as a soulless, philandering creep—we’ve got good stuff happening in horror. Let’s enjoy it. Here’s some stuff I’ve watched in the last month or so that I think you might like.
note: not really any spoilers below, but proceed at your own risk. Also, inspired by excellent Riot Squad, I’ll include linsk to the website Does The Dog Die, so you can check for triggers and CWs before viewing any of these.
Double Feature: Totally Killer and The Babysitter
Does The Dog Die? Totally Killer | The Babysitter
I’m always going to be cautiously optimistic about “we smashed the cliches together until they kissed” movies. Pitch it to me, and I’ll say it sounds rad. Show me a trailer, I’ll know within like 20 seconds if I’m getting popcorn or looking for the nearest pillow to bury my face in. Totally Killer, yet another work of media where Kiernan Shipka’s parents are too horny, is Halloween-meets-Back To The Future, and they stick the landing on every nollie heelflip varial indy 540 they try. It’s funny, it’s gruesome, it’s got twists and turns, it comments on the grossness of the past without being preachy. It’s so good. I might go watch it again as soon as I’m done here.
Totally Killer (Amazon) led to a double feature with The Babysitter (Netflix), which I’d first watched last year. I wasn’t nearly as nerdy and awkward as Cole as a kid, but I was awkward and shy, and it would’ve been helpful to have cool-ass Samara Weaving watching my back. Helpful, until, well.
Samara Weaving, by the way, chooses excellent projects. Everything I’ve seen her in has been decent-to-great.
Let’s Watch A TV Show: The Fall Of The House of Usher
Does The Dog Die? The Fall Of The House of Usher | Midnight Mass | The Haunting of Hill House
Mal and I zoomed through this show in three days, and it wouldn’t been faster if Sunday wasn’t consistently a big zonk-out-on-the-couch day in Casa de Corlew. I slept on Mike Flanagan—literally, The Haunting of Hill House came out the same year as my son, and I could not stay awake for an episode—but since watching Midnight Mass last year I am, in the parlance of my dear friend Chloe N. Clark, a Flanafan.
The Fall of The House of Usher is Gothic, luscious, brushing-up-against-being-overwrought, and unafraid to risk a heavy hand. It’s all finely calibrated, though, and deftly done—in lesser hands, it’d be Empire for AFI kids. Instead, the show is a thoughtful Cautionary Tale about The Emptiness of Being The Sackler Family. They also do all the Edgar Allen Poe tribute/adaptation/easter egg stuff really well. By the time they got to the “The Raven” part, I almost turned to Mal and yelled “HE’S GONNA QUOTH ‘NEVERMORE!’”
Also, the show is a great reminder that Poe was a middling-to-bad poet, and Humbert Humbert is not as smart as he thinks he is.
Classics Watch: The Thing
Does The Dog Die? I hate to break this to you, but it’s The Thing
There is a lot of 80s horror I’m shockingly behind on. Given my interests, The Thing is probably the most shocking. Kurt Russell is Platonic Young Kurt Russell in this movie, the premise is clean and simple, and John Carpenter rules. If you, like me, have been sleeping on this movie, catch it if you have Peacock.
Oh Damn, Bronny James Can Actually Hoop: Possessor and Infinity Pool
Does The Dog Die? Possessor | Infinity Pool
My first experience with Brandon Cronenberg, and I’m going to call him better than Ari Aster.
Ah, I already don’t like that. I said that to get your attention.
I probably with rewatch Possessor and Infinity Pool about as much as I will rewatch Midsommar (which is probably one day) and more than I will rewatch Hereditary (which is probably never). These are weird, disturbing (in a thought-provoking way), ambitious, and highly original movies. Absolutely worth watching. Just, y’know, it’s not Zombieland or something. Bill Murray’s not walking through that door, Woody Harrelson’s not walking through that door.
B-Movie Schlock: The Black Demon
Does The Dog Die? The Black Demon
Good God, this movie is perfect. Imagine The Meg with Aztec gods and oil industry sycophants getting tortured. So many acting choices are made in this movie. It’s not bad, it could easily have done quite well on SyFy in the mid-aughts. Also, I’m pretty sure the screenwriter broke into my dreams, because, again, it’s about a giant shark, vengeful Aztec gods, and oilmen getting their comeuppance. It’s perfect.
Could’ve Been B-Movie Schlock: The Clovehitch Killer and The Cursed
Does The Dog Die? The Clovehitch Killer | The Cursed
Both of these are on Hulu, and they both have posters and trailers that scream “it’s up to you, dude, these could go either way.” They’re both a hell of a lot of fun, and real actual good movies. A spoiler-free description The Clovehitch Killer is “a dormant serial killer returns and rocks the close-knit bonds of a group of boy scouts.” A so-mild-in-fact-this-isn’t-a-spoiler-really description of The Clovehitch Killer is *******look away now if you’re gonna freak out*****okay last chance skip to the next paragraph******at the one-hour mark, a teenager confronts his dad about whether or not he’s a serial killer, the question is answered, and the movie continues. It rules********** Watch The Clovehitch Killer.
Do you like when movies have things like sets, locations, enough extras to feel like a fleshed-out world, and a strong sense that everyone cares? Do you like horror movies set in the foggy, damp, monster-ridden English moors? Do you like werewolves??! Watch The Cursed. A really cool thing about this movie is it has a frame narrative that connects thematically, not with the plot.
DON’T TAKE THIS GUY FOR GRANTED: Jordan Peele’s Movies
Does The Dog Die? Get Out | Us | Nope
I’ve rewatched all three since September. They’re so good. My ranking is Get Out/Nope/Us, with my “which would I rather watch ranking” flipping Get Out and Nope. So let’s sing the praises of my heavy-scare-quotes least favorite, Us. Goddamn, don’t sleep on this movie. Lupita Nyong’o is of course a force, and Evan Alex is incredible. A shoutout, though, to Tim Heidecker, with the funniest line reading in movie history: holding his whiskey glass aloft while sitting in a recliner, tinkling the ice, saying “I’m busy” to his wife, Elizabeth Moss, who has just asked him to check outside because she heard a noise, but Tim Heidecker is busy *whiskey glass clinks* and OH NO YOUR WIFE IS DEAD AND YOU AND YOUR KIDS ARE NEXT, DUDE! All-time Dad In Cinema Moment.
That’s it this week, go watch some horror movies.
Sorry you got an email,
Chris